I’ve been having so many breaks from writing it’s as if I’ve given it up altogether. Fret not — those who do come and read here for leisure — I am dusting off my keyboard for the last time.
I have an unfortunate condition. I happen to care too much about what other people are doing. Not like I don’t give my own life much regard… it’s just that I cannot leave dumb people alone. I cannot leave them to be dangerously stupid on their own; I NEED to point out their idiocy to them. And 9 out of 10 times (the odd one out is usually beyond saving), they don’t take it too nicely, hey. The type of idiots I like to go after with a metaphorical pitchfork or spend unneccessary time fuming over are the inappropriate, delusional type. The ones who think the world works a certain way and maintain their opinion even though it would kill them.
Yeah. Those bellends.
Or at least what I’d like them to mean, because it would really make chatting more fun than it already is.
I do believe when WhatsApp first made itself known to the world, no one really thought it would amount to much. Besides at this time, most people had a BlackBerry and that came with BBM, so why would we need WhatsApp because most of the people we knew had a BlackBerry. Well, the game has changed. We need WhatsApp because not everyone has the same phone anymore. BlackBerry had accidentally phased itself out due to that server breakdown in 2011 which hurt consumers’ trust in the smartphone brand. Even I gave up BB and followed the somewhat glimmering golden Samsung road. So far, I’m pleased with my phone and I’m glad I managed to go at least five months without losing or breaking it which is very easy to do, considering it’s a big phone (not as big as the Note 3 though) and it’s super thin.
Anyway, back to WhatsApp. This app is very odd. Not odd in any special way except that it has a LOT of emoticons. Too many to count. Like 300 too many. To the point that sometimes when you’re just having a normal chat with someone, you feel like you’re neglecting some of the emoticons. Or you’ll even find creative ways to fit in the underused and never-used ones. There’s only so many times you can put in the crying smiling face to show just how caught up in laughter you are… sometimes you also need to add the emoticon of the cat pulling the exact same face. To change it up a little bit.
Now exactly why would the developers of this app gives us reckless humans so many emoticons to use? Are we becoming slaves to technology that we have given emoticons a life beyond the one they’re meant for? Honestly no.
Trolls. Trolls of this modern age are a nasty piece of work. When one comes into a member of this species, one may lose their mind trying to figure what type of mutated DNA spawned these. But the truth is, the same DNA that made them also gave way for human beings with more heart and dignity. So… what the hell is wrong with these people?
I will conduct an informal evaluation of the anatomy of the internet troll, highlighting the key components/organs which contribute to the troll’s unnecessary function to bitch, heckle and whine. I wish there were a more specific identification of the troll, but it comes in different sizes, weights, genders and races so it would be erroneous to generalise. Please note: this is not an attempt at assisting you in spotting trolls, but this is literature aimed at informing the reader about what makes them.
The thing about trolls which can make an reasonable person grow gray hairs out of frustration is that they are not easily distinguishable from your ordinary (or not) cashier at your supermarket, or that cool brunette who lives three floors up from you. A troll can be anyone — even your loved one. You may not even know that you had once shook hands or exchanged friendly banter with one. Trolls only reveal their true, ugly side when they come across a computer with *gasp* Internet access…
I’m sure the trolls of old Norwegian folklore were more benevolent than these salty haters. Anyway, let’s commence with the analysis.
- Every spongy, mushy part of the brain matter is laced with thoughts and intelligence (by intelligence, I mean information – not cleverness) on the countless ways the troll can use its keyboard prowess to ruin the moods of total strangers, with only a few choice words.
- A normal, sensible and compassionate person has gray and pink matter that comprise the brain. The troll’s brain is just completely gray, gray out of the misery stewing in its bones.
- Not only does the roll utilise its brain for firing electronic insults, but to conjure up bland remarks of defense to anyone who may call it out on its insolence. Such remarks as “Jeez, can’t you people take a joke?”, “You’re the one attacking me, I have my right to free speech!” and the ever immature “Wasn’t talking to you bitch!”.
- The brain is a very powerful tool, and at the hands (or in the skull) of a troll, it will surely bring our world as we know it to a miserable end.
- Not many people have met the trolls they’ve had unfortunate comment thread encounters with, in person. But if one were to gaze into the eyes of the troll, they would see nothing. The iris is almost black but the glare of those eyes is sharp and alert, from many hours of staring at a super bright computer screen.
- The eyebrows are constantly furrowed as if the troll is in deep eternal though, or they may be curved to resemble a sarcastic expression
- The eyes serve a purpose of seeking out any sensitive information or new regarding any of the hot topics: beauty, race, feminism, sexism and religion. The eyes are skilled in being able to detect a comments thread full of emotional forum members reacting to something like an adorable Down’s Syndrome baby, for example.
- When in the virtual Internet presence of compassionate folks, the mouth of a troll starts to water in excitement and anticipation of the mayhem of angry responses it will trigger.
- The mouth of the troll may even be used to rehearse the awful words of vitriol before it fires them off into the interwebs.
- The stomach of the troll is in very poor condition as a result of this being’s poor diet. You see, because it spends most of its time prowling the Internet looking for feelings to destroy, it is highly doubtful the troll has time left to prepare proper meals, like other human beings.
- I could be wrong. This is all just speculation.
- The poor state of the stomach may even extend itself into the troll’s digestive tract. If one were to be cut open, do not be surprised if you find a lot of abscesses (rotting holes in the wall of the large intestine)
- The skin on the hands is very rough and neglected due to their prolonged use at the keyboard, and perhaps a lack of exposure to sunlight (because the troll prefers the safe confines of its dungeon for trolling activity).
- The tips of its fingers have unsightly callouses, attributable to someone who taps keystrokes too much. Due to the friction of this, one must not be surprised if parts of the troll’s fingerprints are burned off.
- A heart?? One finds it hard to believe the troll possesses a heart.
- And if such a heart exists, then it must be very small, and doesn’t beat as fast as a normal human being’s.
- Don’t get much oxygen. Not much oxygen is passing through them to parts of the body (especially the brain), so it would make sense that thinking properly would be very hard.
That is all I can tell you folks. Stay safe out there in the wild, wild Web.
I honestly did. Pwomise…
But I had my life to deal in the past 10 months so I had to take a step back. It’s been too long that I was away. But hey, I’m back now and I will try to stay this time. I promise…
I can’t exactly say why I was absent but it is nothing to be worried about. I just hope the time will come when I’ll be able to share it with you. Unfortunately, there won’t be any posts today about anything because assignments are a bitch and failure is not an option in these academic streets. But next weekend, I will come with something new.